Rêves

The time is flying by and I am not sure where exactly it is going. These past few days haven’t been good ones for me but I made it through. I get on these roller coasters that seem to have a hold on me. I try to get off and there never seems to be a definitive way off.

I have this crazy dream the other night . . . I am back in high school and it is the end of the school year. I am apparently in the 12th grade and I am supposed to graduate. The thing is I get a letter from my teacher and it says that I have to go to summer school because I failed gym. The kicker is I am 30 years old! Okay, I immediately wake up from that nightmare. I never want to relive my high school years and neither do I want to go back to the excitement of summer school especially at the age of 30.

It seems that was just the beginning of the string of strange dreams these past few evenings.

My fiancé apparently decided that he and I would be just friends. I was apparently okay with it because he and I were on our way to church and he was dressed in Catholic vestments . . . yes, ladies and gentlemen, I ran the man into the priesthood. He was happy and giving hi5s to Fr Trout and Msg. Graham. (All Souls and St. Raymond's Catholic Church - respectively). I decided that it would be a good time to wake up.

Right now my head is filled with most people call dreams. What most people call dreams that I am starting to see is just that - dreams. I know there is a time to grow up and just get going with this thing we call life. I am starting to realize that my time is here. But I don't understand why some dreams cannot become reality. You know, it is hard to let go of dreams that have been with you for so long. But right now it hurts to hold onto something that really isn't there.

La musique vous incite à perdre la commande

Missy Elliot featuring Ciara and Fat Man Scoop: Music Makes You Lose Control . . . it is the truth I tell you.

A few weeks ago my fiancé and I were chilling and talking about R&B from when we were growing up . . . Dru Hill, En Vogue, SWV (Sisters With Voices), Blackstreet and Guy. I miss the days of when music was good enough that I could actually sing along with it. Don’t get me wrong, I do listen to the artists of today. I have a lot of respect for the people that are putting themselves out there and are trying.

Mary J. Blige gave me My Life, Jill Scott gave me Words & Sounds: Vol. 1, Maxwell took me to the Urban Hang Suite, D’Angelo put that spell on me with Voodoo, Alicia Keys let me read her diary with Diary of Alicia Keys, Anthony Hamilton told me where he comes from, Comin’ From Where I’m From, Boyz II Men took me to school with Cooleyhighharmony, Erykah Badu showed me what it was to practice Baduism. Jodeci told me I was Forever My Lady, Marques Houston proved to me that he is truly a Veteran, Playa gave me a toast with Cheers 2 U, of course, Quincy Jones proved he never left the hood with Back On The Block, New Edition came back with Home Again, Mint Condition is just that – Meant To Be Mint

I could go on and on because I am in love with music. The artists that have recently caught my attention are: Keyshia Cole, Chrisette Michelle, Raheem DeVaughn, Estelle, Robin Thicke, Justin Timberlake and J. Holiday. I listen to everything but they don’t always make it onto my playlists. There are those artists that have songs out there that I love but when I get the album it definitely leaves a lot to be desired. So I must say thank you to ITunes because now I have a way to get the music I want without the frills that surround the masterpieces.

On Tuesday, June 25, I sat down with my brother and his gf and we watched the 2008 BET Music Awards. I must say that I was impressed. My past experiences with awards shows have been that of disappointment. But I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed this one. There were positives and negatives but on the whole I loved it. My favorite moment was when Alicia Keys started her performance with “Teenage Love Affair” and surprised us all with SWV, En Vogue and TLC.

I have read some blog entries online that have bashed the ladies for not looking how they used to. I am not here to argue, I will say though that being able to see and hear them brought a big smile to my face. I am aware that these women have bigger things on their plates – family – so I understand and I thank them for helping me go back in time.

So sing along with me . . .

“I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.I lose all control and something takes over me.In a daze and it's so amazing, it's not a phase.I want you to stay with me, by my side.I swallow my pride; your love is so sweet.It knocks me right off of my feet.I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.”

Combat ou vol?

I went to NY to see my babe and to celebrate my entrance into my newest decade . . . 30. Well, the fun had to come to an end. This is a synopsis about my return to FL.

The cab ride to the airport was like something out of a movie. The aggressive cabbie with the West Indian accent and a bad attitude. This guy seriously had me thinking there was a chance that I just might not make it. I made it from Parkchester in the Bronx to JFK in LI in about 15 minutes! This guy cut people off left and right, talked on the phone, flipped opposing drivers the bird and had mild pleasantries with me all at the same time ... scary.

So because of my super-speedy cab ride, I got there REALLY early. The guy at the bag drop counter looked at me like I was a nut ... my flight boards at 7pm (1900 - military time) and here I am looking at this guy at 430pm (1630 for you military folks). So, where is a good place to get "picked up" or "hit on" the airport of course. I got to get a cup of Joe, and here he comes, machismo in the flesh. He asked where am I off to ... French Vanilla Island is what he thought I said ... ROFL ... total misunderstanding ... I thought he asked what I was drinking (DD large french vanilla half/half sugar). In any case we were both hearing something totally different.

My flight was scheduled to take off at 1930 but of course that would make sense that it would take off on time. We were 40 minutes delayed, number 20 in line to be exact. I thought that okay, it is cool cause I usually sleep on the plane anyway ... unfortunately, this time I got the kid with ADD sitting next to me. Her mother thought she was slick and even tried to convince me that I was mistaken and that he purchased my seat for her kid. I saw right thru that one ... Whatever, the flight was long but thankfully we made it.

Apparently the men of the household determined that my SIL was incapable to pick me up at the airport ... so they sent brother #2. I was nervous but thankfully he came thru. (He has a history of not showing up when he promised to be there.) He made it just as I got to the carousal to get my bag. Of course in the mist of waiting for the bags to actually start coming around, my brother had to move the car. Okay, here is where it got a little strange . . . Brother #2 had to go around cause you know how they have to keep the traffic moving ... he got lost going in a circle. It was weird. I was like dude you were just here ... in any case, he realized where he ended up and finally we were on our way home.

I got home at about 1230 and then didn't fall asleep til about 0200 ... I got up at 0600 cause I had go into work. I scheduled myself to work ... apparently I am glutton for punishment. I think that was the longest 12 hour shift of my life. I made it though cause I am strong just like my mama.

Est-ce que je peux jamais rentrer à la maison encore?

I went to visit the place that I worked the longest and it was definitely a visit that I am glad I decided to do. The ladies at the job are just as funny as ever. They know who they are . . . My homegirls that I worked with and even went out with . . . got blasted with (remember that New Years Party?) I miss them ... I just don’t miss the actual job. There were a lot of reasons why I moved to Florida, one of those reasons being that I wasn’t happy there. I know ... I know ... THE GRASS AIN’T GREENER ... Trust me I knew it when I made the decision . . . I just needed some new grass to romp along in. To their credit, the Floridians broke through my veil of ice. They really aren’t as bad as I thought they would be. I think I might even be close to having some “homegirls” down in FL ... we will see cause it takes time for my heart and mind to open up.

Daddy was at it again ... and so was my mother.

I came home from work, when I was working 3-11, and my mother was sitting in front of the T.V. with a glazed look (she often has this look when she is working on getting that Oscar or Academy nomination). So I decided okay, I will help her get the nomination if not the award, so I ask, “What’s wrong?” Apparently I just drew open the curtain for the performance of a lifetime. My mother replied initially that she was fine but here I go insisting she tell me. She calmly looks at me and states that if she tells me, then I will wake at approximately 3AM laughing (okay, she’s lost it). So I sit down across from her and I tell her, “Spill it.”

So this is her story, I advise that you don’t eat or drink while reading this tale ...

Daddy and the Lizard

Daddy went outside on his day off to sweep the back porch as he usually did. In front of him as he swept was a lizard. Being the man that Daddy is, he opened the fence and swept the lizard into freedom.

Daddy went on with his day ... he went to the grocery store, cooked dinner, watched the news and took a nap. Later on in the day, Mom was up and watching television with Daddy. Daddy went to the restroom, Mom thought nothing of the action, until Daddy came out the bathroom with a strange look on his face. He said nothing but simply went into the kitchen and retrieved a bag and returned to the bathroom. So, of course by this time Mom was wondering what could be going on.

Daddy came out of the restroom, walked straight to the back door, and released the lizard that spent the day in his PANTS into freedom.

**I learned that while it might feel right, I just can’t always stay in the same place neither can I go back and think it will be just as it was before I left. Change is a good thing – especially if I am the lizard**

Expérience acquise

I guess the appropriate start would be to say Happy Father's Day to all the special men in my life.

Okay, so here is it . . . I love my dad, even though he never says it, I know he loves me too. I decided to give him a call and let him know just that. I wanted to know what exactly he would say . . . there was about 15 to 20 seconds of silence. And then he hung up . . . ROFL. Poor man didn't know what to say . . . it's okay cause I know he loves me. My brother is a dad, I guess he learned everything from our dad . . . it was like I was stuck in The Twilight Zone . . . except my brother actually said good-bye before he hung up. (Thank goodness, God the Father doesn't hang up, his line is always open for me to talk and ask all types of silly questions.)

In other news . . . I have learned that love isn't supposed to hurt. I also learned that it isn't perfect. It isn't that I didn't know this already, its just that my mother decided to let me know cause it seems like I am the one that listens . . . little does she know (I love you Mommy!).

Why is it that when I went to go get my hair braided, it became an all day affair? I got in the hair at 10am and was finally done at 8pm. The next day when I decided to get my paws and claws taken care of, it seemed as if the nail specialist was trying to pull one over on me . . . I said no thanks, I pulled an all day affair already for the week.

Did you know if you don't pay your rent on time, eventually your landlord won't renew your lease? I found that one out the hard way . . .

If all I want to eat is cheesecake for dinner it is okay cause I am an adult.

As long as you keep true to yourself then life will be like a summer peach . . . SWEET. What other people think truly comes secondary to what you believe and feel to be right.

Début

Turning 30 wasn't so bad. I dreaded it for the past year. Finally the day came and nothing happened. I didn't get one gray hair nor did I suddenly disappear into oblivion. I guess, I over did it. So for now I am just taking it one day at a time. It isn't like I wasn't doing that from the beginning, it is just my insecurities popping up and trying to make themselves real.

I graduated from HS in '96 and then went to college for 6 years (never graduated) and basically here I am. I am a hard worker that secretly loves what she does . . . I answer phones and smile (a lot). The thing is, if you know me, smiling is few and far inbetween. No, I am not depressed . . . I just reserve those smiles for the people I love (and for the few I like).

Here I am and there you are . . . reading my thoughts. I have always wanted to start a blog, so I decided that I would do just that.