Choices and Change

The end of one journey is always the beginning of another. Change is painful and always comes with a cost. It hurts to bear those costs, but we cannot allow that to sway us. Tomorrow is a mystery. The only thing we can do is face it with resolve. We move forward, always forward and into what's next. We make a choice. We act on that choice. And all that's left is to live and hope. ***Jordan Collier - The 4400, Season 3***

Mon coeur est lourd avec tristesse

When you close your doors, and make darkness within, remember never to say that you are alone, for you are not alone; nay, God is within, and your genius is within. And what need have they of light to see what you are doing?

***Epictetus , Discourses Roman (Greek-born) slave & Stoic philosopher (55 AD - 135 AD)***

These past few days have hurt. It hurt to do what I feel had to be done. Lord only knows if it was right. I pray it was the right thing to do. If I didn't then the anger would be building so much that I would've been engulfed in it. The thing is that it is not anger I am feeling, it is sadness. This sadness is so deep, it is starting to hurt. Sleeping sucks and when I have to be awake, I'm sleepy or just not connected to this planet.

It seems that I am destined to have a life full of hard, heart aching decisions. There are times when I just feel like ending it all. Yea, yea, yea ... I know I'm not the first and I won't be the last. But I'm not talking about anyone else but me. I feel like crap and I wish for once in my life that things could work in my favor.

A simple life seems like the hardest thing to attain. A husband & children ... nothing fancy ... maybe even an apartment or a house. I want to love and be loved.

Suffering

Non seulement cela; exultons, aussi, dans nos difficultés, comprenant que les difficultés développent la persévérance, et persévérance développe un caractère examiné, quelque chose qui nous donne l'espoir et un espoir qui ne nous laisseront pas vers le bas, parce que l'amour de Dieu a été versé dans nos coeurs par le Saint-Esprit qui nous a été donné (5:3-5 de Romains)

La route avant mo

Psaumes 46:10

Soient toujours et reconnaissent que je suis Dieu, des nations finies suprêmes, suprêmes au-dessus du monde.

As a human I find it very hard at times to remember that God is in control of everything. I know that if I truly placed my life into His hands then everything will turn out just the way it is supposed to. But like I said I am HUMAN. Unfortunately it seems that I look forward to learning things the hard way.

Patience is something that I have encountered and I have become well acquainted with. However, I am not sure if Patience is always present with me. That’s okay because sometimes the people that I come in contact with take my “kindness for weakness”. I have to keep them in check.

Back to the subject at hand: God is in control, He places roads in front of me and it is my responsibility to make the decisions of which direction I should take. Whatever the decision, I know that He only wants the best for me.

Everything I want is now, now, now. Why can’t I get it that it just inst going to happen that way? I guess I am as stubborn as they come. I get sad and discouraged. I cry A LOT. I forget that God the Father has a plan. I forget that God, the Holy Spirit is my guide. I forget that God the Son is my one and only true friend. Then I remember that regardless, He is listening and is waiting with open arms. I love HIM.

Pensées Aléatoires (Random Thoughts)

Last night seemed to be a good night for me. I slept well, and woke up refreshed. So I must quote Ice Cube – “It was a good day”.

There are a few things that are changing in my life. Nothing drastic – so you don’t have to worry. I am slowly but surely becoming a vegetarian (like a catepillar into a butterfly). I am thinking of dreading my hair. Right now it is chopped off and twisted. A lot of people would consider these changes to be drastic – thankfully I could care less of what people think.

What drives me bananas is a person going extra hard to be “down”. I say: Just be yourself – you’ll be accepted easier that way.

Life hands out lemons – some people say make lemonade – I say use the lemons to make some good old Harry Iced-Tea (Everyone from the Block knows my dad’s Iced-Tea).

There are a lot of lessons out there for me to learn, I am truthfully not ready to encounter those lessons. It is hard you know, knowing that there is something around the corner just waiting to test your faith and patience.

Just because he calls you, doesn’t mean he wants to father your 12 children!

Just because she smiles and accepts the Shirley Temple doesn’t mean that she will become the fantasy girl in your dreams!

For the record – I am NOT a democrat nor am I a republican – I am an INDEPENDENT voter. I hold no alliances. When I go in the booth, I have to choose the LESSER of 2 evils.